4/1/2011 - Journal Entry
When we first got Akasha, Chinese people would tell us she was an old soul. I never doubted that. She was always wise beyond her years. But, she also reminded me of war veterans who have seen too much in their life time.

Orphanage life can be so cruel. I have often found myself thinking that Akasha’s time in the orphanage nearly destroyed her. Her personality is not one which can withstand isolation or lack of human touch. She is an old soul, but she is also a soft soul.

I remember vividly when we got Akasha how she didn’t know how to play with a toy, how she didn’t know to cry to communicate a need since crying never led to a need being met before, how more than anything she wanted skin-on-skin contact with us, how she needed to have water within reach at all times, and how she ate every meal with obsessive vigor.

Akasha’s orphanage days were apparent not just in the weeks after we got her, but in the years to follow. Eventually most of the evidence of her orphanage days faded. She still is an overly serious child who frets and must be reassured perhaps more than most. But, generally, she is your typical six year-old.

This adoption journey has been so different and it has made what I have always known about Akasha’s experience more poignant.

Inara laughs unabatedly. She expects to be fed because she always has been. She expects to be played with because she always has been played with. She expects to be loved because she has always been loved. Everything becomes a game to her and every item becomes a toy. She cries when she is mad, when she wants to be fed, when her diaper is wet, when she is thirsty, and she expects all the needs to be met because they always have been met. She emanates the pure joy all children should have who still do not know the possible cruelties of the world.

It is impossible to know what part of Akasha’s seriousness and inwardness is just her personality and what part is from her experiences. But, I have always felt so much and respect and admiration for her as you might for a veteran of war.